This is not Real

This is not Real

I’m trying to wrap my mind around the fact that my son Gregory is gone. What makes this so difficult is that I was just adapting to the fact that for the unforeseen future, I would see my son 2-3 times a year because of his service in the US Army. My heart has accepted the loss, tragic as it is, but my mind is not cooperating.

In my mind Greg will be home this summer and we have plans, good plans. I’m learning that my heart and my mind operate differently. My heart has accepted the loss in large part because it sees the pain in my family and Gregory’s friends. My mind has not been re-programmed yet. It still waits for the call or the face-time.

Somehow, I think this is God’s perfect plan in helping His people deal with tragedy and loss. My heart belongs to the Lord and trusts Him without wavering. My mind and intellect are cemented to the daily activities of everyday life. My mind will slowly accept the fact that Gregory will not return to me. There are many thoughts that come through my mind that help with the re-programming; It’s a very slow process.

I thank God that has He alone has the ability to accomplish both of these needs; ministering to my heart and ministering to my mind. My son Gregory has become the backdrop of my mind and heart. I never thought I would think of Him this way. I am grateful for this process, don’t get me wrong, but I was not prepared for this.

Silver lining- When I had children, I often thought to myself “I could never survive the death of one of my Kids”. Well I was wrong! I can survive and even thrive. I have experienced the love of God, the hope of God, the strength of God and the Will of God. I have tested these truths and found them to be evidence that He exists in me. How blessed am I.

The Void

The Void

Blessings! I am learning just how different it is to lose a child in comparison to the other Losses in my life. The First trial (The death of my brother 26), The Second Trial (The Death of my mother 58) and the Third Trial (The death of my father 6 months after my mother). The death of a family member has its own unique set of thoughts and feeling. The death of my son is very different.

When Gregory turned 15 our relationship transformed in ways that I can only understand now. When Greg was a child, I worried about school, who his friends were and his overall development. When he became a young man, my worry began to grow. I was now concerned with his safety on the road, his future, college, girlfriends and his ability to be a productive citizen. When he enlisted in the Army my worry grew exponentially.

Since August 2017 I have experienced life without Gregory. For the first time in my relationship with my son I could not speak to him everyday when I wanted to. This increased my worry. After bootcamp we resumed our daily communication as usual. I worried about his emotional well being and how was adjusting to military life; we prayed together several times a week over these matters.

The Void- the worry has left my heart. I want it back! I loved being his father. I want to make an unscheduled deposit in his bank account because he spent money irresponsibly. I want to discuss the latest life lesson; I want to pray with him. All of this is gone. There were seasons of our relationship that were held together by this worry, and now it’s gone.

The blessing- I have 8 other children to worry over. Now I worry about how this loss will shape them. Please pray for my children by name- Lindsy, Jeremy, Grace, Daniel, Katie, Samantha, Savannah and Max.   

I have more to pour out- stay tuned 

The Darkest Night

The Darkest Night

Blessings to all who take the time to read the celebration of my son PFC Gregory James Davis.

On 1/5/2019 I was awaken in the middle of the night by the dog barking and the door bell (nothing good happens at 12:30 at night when you are a parent). I stumbled down the stairs only to notice shinny shoes and blue pants. It's funny what you recollect, but at that moment I knew my life was going to change forever. There were two young soldiers, not much older than my son Greg, who bravely informed me that my son Gregory was in a car accident just six hours earlier. They continued to share limited details but all I could hear was the word FATAL.

Whatever breath I had at that moment left my body and to this day has not fully returned. One by one my children open their doors because all of the commotion and one by one, I could hear the sobs and cries. This just made things worse. After I collected myself I started making phone calls to my daughters Lindsy, Grace and Samantha. With every call and explanation of the limited information I was provided, my heart began to break. We had the pleasure of being surrounded at that moment by close friends who sat with us in my living room until the sun rose in the morning. The sun rose! This was the first day in 19 plus years that I would live without my son.

I will attempt in the coming weeks to share with you my experiences for the purpose of preparing you for the day that you might get a late night knock on the door. Of this I am fully persuaded- God will never leave me or forsake me!

Lessons Learned from The darkest Night

I will never be the same again
My family will never be the same again
I would have been lost without my family that night
I would have been lost without my friends that night
I am very much acquainted with this type of darkness 
The sun rose
My son was raised to meet His Lord