An encouragement to all parents

An encouragement to all parents

Dealing with the loss of my son is by far the most difficult season I have ever experienced. I spend considerable time recounting how Gregory may have perceived me. I consider the way I disciplined him and how even days before he died, I expressed outrage about a poor discussion he made. I remember him saying to me “dad I know I disappointed you”. I wonder if he carried any frustration or anger within him because of our battles? We were very different men. Recounting these difficult encounters is very painful. I wish I had conducted myself in a manner fitting of my calling.

Being a father to a son is a very complicated calling. You always want your son to be a better man that you were. You want him to learn from all of your trials; this does not always happen. I am left with an image of my son that was still forming, I will never know how he turned out. Was he like me? Was he like my father? What kind of Father would he become? I think now you see how tortured I am.

My encouragement to parents is this- try and treat every encounter with your kids as the last. I realize that most people don’t want to think of these things because, in some way, if you think it, it may happen. I have considerable regret in the way I raised my son. I wish I would have taken more time to see his point; to consider his way of thinking. I cannot change what has happened, I can only endeavor to be a better dad to the eight that remain. I want all my kids to respect me but not fear me. I think Gregory leaned more to the fear side and for that I am sorry.

Remember, we are stewards. God has entrusted these lives to us, to protect, love and bring them up to know Him. They are his, they have always been His. Please stop and consider today the uniqueness of your child and your role as God’s steward. Be faithful to this call.