This is not Real
I’m trying to wrap my mind around the fact that my son
Gregory is gone. What makes this so difficult is that I was just adapting to
the fact that for the unforeseen future, I would see my son 2-3 times a year
because of his service in the US Army. My heart has accepted the loss, tragic
as it is, but my mind is not cooperating.
In my mind Greg will be home this summer and we have plans,
good plans. I’m learning that my heart and my mind operate differently. My
heart has accepted the loss in large part because it sees the pain in my family
and Gregory’s friends. My mind has not been re-programmed yet. It still waits for
the call or the face-time.
Somehow, I think this is God’s perfect plan in helping His
people deal with tragedy and loss. My heart belongs to the Lord and trusts Him
without wavering. My mind and intellect are cemented to the daily activities of
everyday life. My mind will slowly accept the fact that Gregory will not return
to me. There are many thoughts that come through my mind that help with the
re-programming; It’s a very slow process.
I thank God that has He alone has the ability to accomplish
both of these needs; ministering to my heart and ministering to my mind. My son
Gregory has become the backdrop of my mind and heart. I never thought I would
think of Him this way. I am grateful for this process, don’t get me wrong, but
I was not prepared for this.
Silver lining- When I had children, I often thought to myself
“I could never survive the death of one of my Kids”. Well I was wrong! I can
survive and even thrive. I have experienced the love of God, the hope of God,
the strength of God and the Will of God. I have tested these truths and found
them to be evidence that He exists in me. How blessed am I.
